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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23962570">Philia</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumKiwiDelicious/pseuds/YumKiwiDelicious'>YumKiwiDelicious</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Half of It (2020)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Friend Love, Friendship, Gen, Missing Scene, Paul is precious and innocent, Platonic Love, References to Ancient Greek Religion &amp; Lore, Spoilers</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-05-02</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-02 16:08:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,272</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23962570</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/YumKiwiDelicious/pseuds/YumKiwiDelicious</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>PHILIA (noun/suffix) - often translated "brotherly love", is one of the four ancient Greek words for love. In Aristotle's Ethics, philia is usually translated as 'friendship' or 'affection'</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Ellie Chu &amp; Paul Munsky, non-romantic - Relationship</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>147</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>Philia</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Ellie was sitting on the steps of the church when Paul finally walked out, gripping his arm which his mother had beat an impressive bruise into with her purse. She was folded in on herself, not unlike the shell of a taco protecting the tender sausage inside and Paul felt the familiar struggle to find the right words to say. She was right there, right within arms reach, and yet she felt entire football fields away. He eventually just lowered himself to sit beside her, ignoring the way she sniffed and shifted to hide what could only be tears.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“So,” he began lamely, sweaty palms sticking where he rubbed them back and forth over his church slacks. “That was...something.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I shouldn’t have said anything,” Ellie huffed immediately, already working tirelessly to build her walls back up. Harsh lines bloomed over her cheeks where she wiped them roughly. “I’m stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Paul couldn’t help the snort of laughter that answered her declaration, even when his friend turned a rather stoney glare on him. He merely shook his head innocently.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I’m sorry, but...you’re not stupid,” he guffawed, glancing up and down the road. Aster was long gone. “You’re like...the smartest person I know and I’m pretty sure I know everyone in Squahamish.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie rolled her eyes and sighed in that way she always did when she thought he was being exceptionally moronic; a word she had taught him out of pure necessity. She also squinted along the empty road, red rimmed eyes looking tired. No one had come out of the church yet.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Not crazy hard in a town like this,” the girl muttered, sounding bitter and tired and much like she had the first time they had spoken. Paul thought about that day a lot; how he had made her fall off her bike and how she’d nearly bitten his head off in return. He considered that the start of their not-love love story. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah,” he mused back, recalling how he had tried to kiss her and she’d yanked away so violently countless bottles of Yakult had been wasted. He studied her profile closely. “Yeah, we’re pretty dumb.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>That statement pulled Ellie up short and she turned to him, their close proximity making it so their noses almost brushed. She frowned. She was always frowning. It had intimidated him at first. Ellie was so unlike Aster and Paul had worried she’d be mean and make fun of him, but she’d had a pitying heart in so many ways and he knew now the frown was just her mirroring back what a lot of their town showed her first. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You aren’t dumb,” she insisted, sounding like she was tired of repeating this fact. “You just do…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Dumb things?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Confusing things!” The correction burst out of her like sausage filling splitting its seem, leaving a messy mound of meat on the counter. They both startled back a bit, putting some much needed space between them before she plowed on. “Like...why would you not just tell your family you want to try a new recipe? Why would you want to be anyone but yourself when trying to get the girl you love? Why would you...kiss me?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The tiny church step grew quiet and lonely and Paul folded in on himself to protect his tender insides as he tried to process everything she’d all but yelled at him. Ellie waited, not impatiently, perfectly used to him taking a long time to answer what she considered to be fairly simple questions. They had been friends now for months and Paul had started to think they could maybe be more, but even if they couldn’t at least someone in this backwater town wasn’t rushing him to hurry up and </span>
  <em>
    <span>think </span>
  </em>
  <span>for once.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well...I did tell my mom I wanted to change the recipe.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Perfect.”  It was sharp and brisk and a fairly obvious indication that that was </span>
  <em>
    <span>not </span>
  </em>
  <span>the answer she was most concerned about. The football player swallowed nervously.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I kissed you because...I love you, Ellie.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The church doors suddenly burst open and there was a flood of people onto the steps like fans onto the field after they’d won a game. Paul blinked and suddenly Ellie was gone; short, huddled figure lost in the crowd while he just sat there staring at knee caps. It took him a minute to finally gather his thoughts and stand, searching for a sleek black ponytail in every direction and just catching it disappearing around the side of the church. He jogged after his best friend, totally ignoring anyone that tried to stop and ask him </span>
  <em>
    <span>what the hell had that been</span>
  </em>
  <span>. On the far side of the church, Ellie was stumbling away, not even in the direction of her bike and his months of running after her paid off when they were side by side once more.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ellie-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Don’t, Paul,” she sniffed. She was crying again.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Ellie, I love you-!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You don’t know what love is!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was flippant and dismissive and probably the meanest thing she had ever said to him. Paul stomped to a halt immediately and Ellie did the same, not facing him but instead away towards the surrounding woods. The chatter of the congregation could still be heard down their narrow alley, but it was obvious no one was coming to seek them out. They were all alone. Not that they weren’t alone like all the time, but this was the first time Paul wished someone else could be there too. Maybe Ellie’s dad. So he could translate for her how thick she was being.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know I’m not a smart guy,” he murmured, not ashamed of the fact in any form even as his friend turned to start denying it. He just spoke over her. “I know I’m not, but I know what love is.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie hiccuped out a stubborn little, “</span>
  <em>
    <span>How</span>
  </em>
  <span>?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence fell again and they just stood there, turned towards each other now, but spinning out from the center of a tilted axis. They were stuck together at their cores and yet a space existed between them. Paul hated it. He remembered Ellie’s story about two people cut in half and thought maybe that was them at that moment. He’d initially related the story to Aster, but he saw now how he and the girl he’d thought he was in love with couldn't be each other’s other half. Because when pushed together they were not a whole.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I know because...you’re pretty.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Exasperated, exhausted. “Paul-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, listen!” he insisted, fingers fiddling over each other as he worked to not lose his train of thought as well as his nerve. “You’re pretty...but you don’t think you are. You’re mean sometimes, but only because you think you have to be to get by. You smell like dumplings.” They both snorted a laugh, Ellie’s far more surprised in nature. “I didn’t know what that smell was at first...just that I liked it.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you look at things...look at people, it’s like you’re just looking at what they can do for you. Not in a greedy way, but like...everything has a job. But when you look at me it’s like you really see me; who I am, who I could be. Just...me.” Ellie’s eyes glanced away and Paul pressed on. “I love the way your hair looks when it's down-”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You’ve never seen my hair down,” the girl was quick to point out and Paul merely smiled bashfully. </span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I...kinda took it down after you puked and passed out at the after party.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She glared.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“To brush the vomit out!”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She blushed.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I tried to put it back how you like it when you were in bed, but it came out kinda sloppy.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She smiled.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>A small, barely there, allowing smile, but a smile nonetheless and it boosted Paul’s confidence. He stepped closer to her, disrupting their axis and making it so she had to look up at him. He grabbed her hand and she didn’t pull it away.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“When you laugh you look just as surprised as I feel about it and you don’t have five voices, you have seven. You don’t have an ocean of thoughts, Ellie, you have a whole damn planet of them and you do everything you can to dumb them down a bit for me whenever you can.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>He was breathless and she was stunned and he was still holding her hand and probably gripping it far too tightly.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“I love you, Ellie,” Paul repeated, watching as the declaration slowly drained the light from his friend’s face. He squeezed her hand briefly and then let it slide from his own. “And I know you can’t love me back. I’ll get over it, I just...wanted you to know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Silence fell again and they just stood there, pressed close together now. No longer spinning out from an axis, but a part of it themselves with a whole universe spinning around them. Ellie looked sad, but not heartbroken like she had when Aster walked away from them. She looked like she was sad for Paul; sad she couldn’t love him the way he wanted to be loved and the sentiment touched him honestly. He gave her a tad more space as she sniffed and shifted and banished all evidence of her emotions like she had up on the steps.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You know,” she offered finally, turning to walk away and giving him another small smile when he fell into step beside her, “The ancient Greeks had seven different words for love.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah?” They rounded the backside of the church. The sun was still shining. It was a little surprising after everything. “What were they?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Well the four main ones were </span>
  <em>
    <span>eros, storge, agape, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and </span>
  <em>
    <span>philia</span>
  </em>
  <span>.” She counted up four fingers and then began to count them down again one by one. “Romantic love, familial love, selfless love, and love between friends. I think...you and I share </span>
  <em>
    <span>philia</span>
  </em>
  <span>.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“...Oh?”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” Ellie mimicked back good-naturedly as they continued to wander further from the church and closer to the woods with no true destination. Paul was watching her profile closely again. “</span>
  <em>
    <span>Philia</span>
  </em>
  <span> is the idea of an affectionate, brotherly love you have for someone very close to you who isn’t family and who you don’t want to have sex with.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>She said it so bluntly and with so little warning that Paul immediately lost his footing, stumbling over a root that had seemed to manifest right as the offensive word left his friend’s mouth. Ellie startled as he tumbled, his larger frame nearly taking her down as well. She hopped slightly away from him, though she threw her arms up as if meaning to catch him. They danced about a moment, Paul righting himself as Ellie attempted to merely will him back to safety with the intensity of her frown. When all was settled again, Paul could feel his face was hot with embarrassment for several reasons and wondered if the ancient Greeks had multiple words for shame as well.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Yeah, yeah, that makes sense,” he huffed, trying to continue on as if nothing had happened even as Ellie eased them down to sit on the curb of the far side of the church’s back parking lot. It was totally empty, thank God. “That makes sense cause uh, I...I don’t wanna...uhhh.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie finished for him, “Have sex, I know.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>The earth’s actual axis seemed to tip suddenly as Paul tried to shake off the weird feeling the thought of sex with Ellie had given him. He had never had sex with any girl. Had never even really thought about it, not even with Aster, but the thought of it with Ellie was...just so off putting and suddenly he realized the point she may have been trying to get at with this whole line of discussion.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“Oh,” he huffed, steadying his elbows on his knees, “Oh, I’m stupid.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“You are </span>
  <em>
    <span>not-</span>
  </em>
  <span>”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“No, I am,” he insisted, waving for her to let him finish though not in a harsh way. She frowned at him. She was always frowning. “Because...I love you, but...I don’t wanna...do </span>
  <em>
    <span>that </span>
  </em>
  <span>with you. So I must not be…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“People can feel romantic love without the desire for sex,” Ellie informed, a crease between her brows letting Paul know she didn’t necessarily like this topic either.  “I just don’t think that’s the case with you and me. I think you love me like…”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>“A sister,” he provided, knowing she’d never find the word on her own. She had no siblings, she probably hadn’t recognized the feeling at first either.  When she nodded her agreement thankfully, it made Paul feel good that he wasn’t the only one getting confused sometimes. “I love you like a sister.</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>Ellie blushed like the statement was more personal than when he’d thought he was </span>
  <em>
    <span>in</span>
  </em>
  <span> love with her, but nodded again. She scooted a bit closer to him on the curb and bumped her elbow into his arm. The sun was starting to dip behind the trees. “I love you too...bro.”</span>
</p>
<p>
  <span>It was clunky and awkward and sounded more like Paul than Ellie, but it made him laugh and he slung a large arm around her tiny body. She cringed into the hug, but let it happen and they sat there behind the church hugging and loving each other. Maybe their parents, maybe Aster, maybe the whole damn town would never love them the way they wanted to be loved, but at least they had each other. At least they had </span>
  <em>
    <span>philia</span>
  </em>
  <span>.</span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>This movie was CUTE and I kind of wish the focus had more been on the friendly love between ellie and paul because COME ON!</p></blockquote></div></div>
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